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Julio Dreams of Buttloaf

On April 1st, Julio Ramirez ate a piece of shit and liked it. It was an ordinary piece of buttloaf he plucked fresh out of the toilet and munched on like a pickle.

Then Julio got in his car and drove to the convenience mart down the street. He went inside and next to the soda fountains were two big plastic butts with their sphincters pointing at him. He took a sugar cone from the dispenser and pulled on the handle attached to the right butt. It let a big greasy fart noise and sprayed Julio on the face with yellow runny shit.

Looking rather shit-faced, Julio turned to the clerk and yelled, “Hey man there’s no more shit in this machine!”

“Use the one on the left,” the clerk yelled back.

“Alright,” Julio said, wiping his face with a napkin.

Julio pulled a new cone from the dispenser, placed it under the left butt and pulled the lever. The little hole opened and a hot stinky turd came straight out like play dough, then bent and dangled its way into the cone. When the twisty cone was full, Julio licked it and made yummy sounds as he walked to the checkout counter.

“You know what man,” he said to the clerk, “this is some good shit.”

At that moment Julio’s rational mind realized it was having a sick and absurd dream and so it decided it was time for Julio to awake from this silliness.

When Julio awoke, he instantly knew the source of his shitty dream. Due to the tumultuous sleeping habits of his girlfriend, Julio’s nose had become wedged in the crack of the butt of his beloved—the voluptuously beautiful—Margarita. But despite her illimitable beauty, after a night of mucho cerveza and some jalapeno cheese dip, Margarita’s butt could haunt a man’s dreams even if she were a mile away. But Julio loved Margarita and everything that was in or from her too. So tonight, if Margarita was making swamp gas, then Julio enjoyed every repulsive breath of it he could take.

And with that thought in mind, Julio removed his nose, wiped it on the sheets, kissed her on the right butt cheek, and snuggled up to Margarita, drifting back to his dreamland with a shit-eating grin on his face.

END
© 2005 Christian Cloud Abraham

Posted on August 17, 2005 in
Emotion: Tender, Type: Fiction